


teens will be teens

by leisvrely



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at humour, Gen, Oblivious Sawamura Daichi, Vaping, but not for the reason you think, juul, suga is a little shit and you guys are wrong if you think otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24112606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leisvrely/pseuds/leisvrely
Summary: A plague had fallen over the Karasuno Volleyball Club. A sickly sweet, strawberry flavoured plague that Daichi had discovered by complete accident. His crime scene was the club room, mental police tape around the empty juul pod on the floor. Reaching down to pick it up, he could hardly believe his eyes. One of his team members was an idiot.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	teens will be teens

A plague had fallen over the Karasuno Volleyball Club. A sickly sweet, strawberry flavoured plague that Daichi had discovered by complete accident. His crime scene was the club room, mental police tape around the empty juul pod on the floor. Reaching down to pick it up, he could hardly believe his eyes. One of _his team members_ was an _idiot_. 

The next morning practice began the silent witch hunt. With squinting eyes, he oversaw the groups of two practicing receives. One of them had to stick out, right?  
“What’s up?” Suga came over, pushing his hair out of his eyes, ball under arm. “You look more intimidating than usual.”  
“Someone was juuling in the club room.”  
“Are you serious?” He raised an eyebrow. “Do you know who?”  
“Trying to decide right now.”  
Suga stood next to him, scanning just as Daichi did. “I’d start with Tanaka and Noya. They’d fit the bill. Now c’mon, practice with us.”  
He nodded, walking back on the court with laser-eyes set on the two second-years. Nishinoya could feel the suspicion, looking up in terror long enough to get distracted and met in the forehead by Tanaka’s hit. 

“What was that!”  
“He was glaring daggers into my back!”  
_Oh yeah, it had to be those two. The little shits._

**Suspects #1 & 2: **

After morning practice, Daichi could hear conversation from the club room. Voices that could only belong to the one-and-only morons capable of doing such a crime. He stood outside the door for a few seconds before sliding open the doors to reveal Tanaka and Nishinoya looking over a magazine. 

_Oh._

The two stared back at him, terrified. Caught red-handed with this month's edition of “ _Big Boobs for Lonely Teenage Boys and Wash-Up Men”_. After the momentary pause of suspicion turned to disappointment, Daichi shut the door. 

**NOT GUILTY.**

* * *

With those two off the list, he was left a little confused. Who else would? Neither of the managers, for certain. He just couldn’t picture it. _Wait, was that sexist?_ During his lunch period, he looked at the pod again. It smelled like strawberries. 

Hm. Tsukishima liked strawberry flavoured things. Yamaguchi always hung out with him, snickering at his side-comments. Perhaps giggles from a nicotine rush?

**Suspects #3 & 4: ** **  
  
**

Before afternoon practice, he could see the two against the back of the gym. Once again, using his sneaky detective skills, he crept up unnoticed behind a tree. Yamaguchi was holding something small and rectangular, passing it to Tsukishima. 

“AH-HA!” He jumped from behind the tree, frightening both momentarily before Tsukishima regained his composure. “So _you’re_ the two little nicotine addicts.” Storming over, he snatched the… envelope. “You weren’t juuling?”  
“I was helping him practice confessing to Yachi,” Tsukishima said, his shit-eating grin crawling onto his face. “Besides, if you’re looking for someone vaping, it wasn’t us. Neither of us are that stupid.” 

Daichi awkwardly handed the envelope back to Yamaguchi, beet-red from embarrassment. It was cutely decorated, a little pink heart with the characters for her name on it. 

“Er, um, continue,” he said, patting Yamaguchi’s shoulder before hurrying inside the gym. 

**NOT GUILTY.**

* * *

During warm-up stretches, he couldn’t help but feel aggravated. Anyone within a twenty-kilometre radius could tell that. Whenever he was stressed, it radiated off of his body almost visibly. All he wanted was to give a quick health lecture and save one of his idiot problem-children from a hole in their throat. 

“You good?” Suga asked as they switched sides to reach at their ankles. “I think you’re freaking out the team.” 

“I still can’t find out who it was. I’ve questioned four people, but they were all dead-ends.”

He looked mildly surprised. “It wasn’t Noya or Tanaka?”  
“Nope.”  
The two looked around the circle at all their teammates. Kinoshita and Narita were talking about some movie, Ennoshita occasionally chiming in. Daichi and Suga looked back at each other before shaking their heads. No way it was them.  
A squawking argument between his two problem first-years caught his focus. Hinata and Kageyama were competitively stretching as they always were, seeing who could reach the furthest. The subject of their discourse was loud, but needed very little context in Daichi’s mind. 

“Mint!”  
“Strawberry!”  
“Mint!” 

_“Strawberry!_ ” 

Kageyama looked exasperated. “Are you stupid? That’s _genuinely_ disgusting.”  
“Oh, don’t call _me_ disgusting, _disgusting_.” Hinata’s face scrunched up in annoyance. “Mint is so boring and generic. Strawberry flavour is _so_ much more exciting. You’d probably buy _milk_ flavour if you could, Disgusting-yama.” 

“That’s not even _clever_!”  
His eyebrow twitched. Could they be more obvious? They had the balls to argue about this during pre-practice stretches? Suga laughed slightly at his expression and nodded. 

“I think you found your culprits.” 

“I would dare to agree.”  
  


**Suspects #5 & 6: **

_No, wait-_

**The Most Obvious Culprits #1 & 2:**

  
  


During their serving drills, Daichi quickly migrated next to them. They continued to bicker over who could serve better, ignoring him for the time being. If anything, he needed to chew them out about the arguing. As both of their serves hit the net, Daichi decided he had enough. Grabbing them by the backs of their shirts, he dragged them to the corner of the gym. 

In shock, the two had shut up for the longest amount of time since practice started. Even so, it didn’t last long.

“WE’RE SO SORRY, CAPTAIN WE’LL GET THE SERVES OVER THE NET!” 

“WE’LL GET ALONG!” Hinata held his arms above his face, as if he were about to receive one of Kageyama’s blows. 

With a sigh, Daichi facepalmed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I- okay, listen. I know about you two.”  
They blinked, looking over at each other with raised eyebrows. “What do you mean, captain?” Kageyama finally dared to ask. 

“I know it’s you two that’ve been juuling in the club room. I heard you arguing about pod flavours.” He crossed his arms, trying to come across as the bad cop. 

Hinata cocked his head. “Pod flavours?” A lightbulb practically lit up over his head. “Oh! You mean during stretches?”  
Daichi nodded, not liking his now-calm demeanour over being caught. “Yeah, the strawberry versus mint argument.”  
Now they looked like they were going to laugh. Not a good sign. 

“We were talking about toothpaste flavours. Kageyama had to borrow this new kind I got when he was sleeping over at my house the other night. It’s strawberry-flavoured and I think it’s great!” 

“It’s not,” Kageyama interjected. 

“Is too!”

“Is not.”  
“Is too!”  
“Is _not_!”  
“Is-”  
“Okay, stop. Stop it.” Daichi exhales hard, holding up his hands. They really are too stupid to be _that_ stupid. “So you aren’t the phantom juulers?”  
With a shake of a head from Hinata, he was about ready to leave, utterly defeated. Then Kageyama spoke back up. “Couldn’t be us, anyway. A kid in my class was talking about how you have to be eighteen to buy vapes and stuff.”  
“Oh, so now you’re an _expert?”_ _  
_ _“_ Dumbass, I’m helping our case!”  
  


**NOT GUILTY.** ****

* * *

  
The rest of their _new_ debate was drowned out. With a hand on his chin, he began to think. _Eighteen? Eighteen… Eighteen!_ He turned around, laser eyes now focused on the only other person he could be. Right under his _nose_ as well! So seemingly innocent, when really, the _true_ culprit was doing stretches next to him this whole time! 

_Asahi!_ It was _Asahi!_ He was eighteen and always complained about people thinking he smoked weed or did drugs. It was the perfect alibi to cover up an addiction involving e-cigarettes. Of course! It made perfect sense! 

For the rest of practice, he eyeballed his friend. It wasn’t slick at all, Karasuno’s ace getting insecure about it immediately. 

“Am I doing something wrong?” He wondered out loud to himself during diving drills. Had he been messing up? Was there something on his face? Daichi was never this focused-in on him. 

It wasn’t until the end of practice when he got his reason. 

**Suspect #7**

Daichi walked over to Asahi picking up the balls from his last bit of serving practice. Everyone else had skedaddled, leaving the two alone. He rested his arms on the ball basket, waiting for his friend to say something first. The criminal had little to say, sweating out nerves and distress instead. 

“Do you like strawberries, Asahi?” He asked, watching his friend’s eyes flicker around. 

“U-um, I mean it’s a nice fruit.” There was a tremor in his voice. 

“Is that your favourite flavoured pod?”  
“Pod?”  
He messed with a ball in the basket, rolling it between his two hands. “Don’t play dumb. I know you’re the one that’s been vaping in the club room.”  
“Daichi, I don’t smoke.” 

There it was. That one little sentence with that desperate look that convinced him. Asahi had just called vaping “smoking”. 

“I give up,” he hangs his head in defeat. “Lock up when you’re done?”  
Asahi nods, a look of concern still across his face. 

**NOT FUCKING GUILTY.** ****

* * *

Daichi’s at his wits end as he leaves the gym. Kicking rocks doesn’t make him feel any better, but it keeps him at least a _little_ busy. How had he thoroughly interrogated all of his lead suspects and _still_ turned up with an unsolved case? Maybe he was wrong. Maybe it _was_ one of the managers. Hell, maybe it was Coach Ukai. Maybe it was just some random stranger who had broken into the club- 

...room. 

He stopped in front of it, seeing the lights on. Even with the shades down, he could see people inside. He could hear laughter and conversation. The chase wasn’t over yet! With the imaginary detective badge proudly on his chest, he stormed over to the door. His hand was on the handle, ready to burst in and catch his criminal. 

“ _Uwahhh! Sugawara! That’s so cool! Show me how to ghost again!_ ”  
Hinata’s voice clearly rang out from inside. There were several others that joined in, asking the same. Then out of excitement, they all yelled forms of praise. 

“ _Ho-ly shit! That looks sick!_ ” 

“ _Suga! Blow rings again!_ ”  
Daichi slid open the door, instantly met with that sickly-sweet strawberry smell. His vice-captain sat on the table, the rest of the team gathered around watching as he exhaled ringed-clouds, juul between his thumb and fore-finger. Everyone’s eyes followed the rings in a direct path towards Daichi, his face stony and emotionless. 

“Oh,” Tsukishima mused, “looks as though the cop got a clue.” 

Suga had an amused smile on his lips, shrugging. “Oops?”  
_Yeah,_ Daichi was going to kick his ass.

**Author's Note:**

> and then suga got lectured about lung cancer and setting a good influence for days afterwards
> 
> anyway this was just a random idea i had in my head that i thought was funny, but it might not actually be idk akdbjsaldb sorry  
> if you chose to read this kudos to you bruh  
> (also im not bashing anyone who juuls cuz like literally who hasnt, im guilty of juuling with friends sometimes too but daichi would 100% be the kind of person who'd get on your head for that)  
> (but also like... dont get addicted to juuling)


End file.
